How To Go Viral

I am convinced that Heather Locklear was the originally O.G. of going viral:

I only say this because I have a show coming up in November and an extremely motivated self-promoting ninja friend of mine Tony Gapastione was getting on me about self-promotion. I need to get the word out NOW that I will be doing the entire 63 minutes of my one-woman show, “Born Again in Berkeley” at the Marsh Theatre in Berkeley on Tuesday, November 7th.

But how do you affectively self-promote? I didn’t grow up with social media (as you can tell from the above 80s commercial reference I pulled out of my @#!$). Had I been 8 years old, instead of 28 years old, when everyone got online, I would have been a self-promoting wizard! When we’re young, our brains are like sponges, we take in everything and learn so quickly. But as we get older, our minds get filled with more and more memories and unless there is a way to do an actual memory dump (like in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), our brains get full, at capacity. Old dog, new tricks.

So here I am, on the other side of 50, trying to learn new tricks. Tony told me to send him my “content”. Oh, what an ambiguous term, “content”. What promotional material do I have to promote my show? He also referred me to the website “Canva” – ya know, so I can design my own postcards and fliers with my “content”. So I scrolled through my phone for content….

What? You don’t find that effective? Okay fine. Here’s the actual promo image. But this is so basic. I need help!

So dear reader, if you could tell two friends about my show….

And then they’ll tell two friends…

And then they’ll two friends…

And so on and so on and so on…..

Prayer, Distraction & Nitrous Oxide

After I got back from my mini vacation a couple of weeks ago, I immediately began to dread my upcoming periodontist appointment. I was getting a “gum graft” and if you don’t know what that is, let’s just say I had receding gum lines, so the doctor needed to stitch cadaver gums over my gums! It was either that, or they cut a hole in the roof of my mouth and use that tissue instead. That was not happening.

It consumed my every thought leading up to the appointment that was scheduled this past Monday, September 11th. Even the date was morbid. I think my biggest concern was that the doctor wouldn’t take my need for nitrous oxide and Novocain seriously. I am the biggest baby when it comes to physical pain. I need to be KNOCKED OUT. I needed a distraction up til my dreaded appointment to keep my mind off of it. Plenty of prayer and a good distraction.

ACTING!

I signed up for another acting class with Bravemaker Academy. These classes are unique in that, the second half of the session, we actually make a short film. Whenever I finish class, I am on an adrenaline high. Acting is when I feel the most alive and present. But that only took care of Wednesday’s distraction.

Then last Friday, I decided to head up to the Sacramento river with my sister to see my favorite band, the Neon Playboys at Swabbies.

I told my sister to take my picture….and she did.

It was super fun. Then a couple of days later…

Those are not birthmarks. I was eaten alive! I did not heed the mosquito repellant warning. I live in Oakland. We have like, four mosquitos total.

With time running out, before my periodontist appointment, I went on a short hike last Sunday at Tilden Park to take in the changing colors of the season…

Autumn is my favorite time of year.

And then I headed to Safeway and stocked up on soft foods- yogurt, Jello, mashed potatoes, ice cream. Oh how I miss solid food.

And then Monday arrived. My friend Tati picked me up (I was on Valium-and was told not to drive, but it didn’t do squat). I totally could have driven!

Like a sheep led to the slaughter, they hooked me up to a machine. Okay, not a machine, just a little blood pressure thingy:

Can you tell I have never had an overnight stay at a hospital, my whole 52 years of living on this earth? (knock on wood).

Then the laughing gas kicked in and I was a happy camper. I listened to a podcast as the doctor and nurse did their thing. It took about an hour or so. But once the gas started to wear off, I could already feel my mouth getting sore. I needed DRUGS, STAT. They prescribed me liquid ibuprofen. I chased it with two Pamprin. They said I could.

Then the next day….

OUCH. Look at that shiner. Someone on the street asked me if I was okay. I should have told her that I got in a fight……with my periodontist.

But the worst is over.